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I am utterly heart broken. My husband of 40 years has passed. He just quit smoking last Sept. Then we found esophagus cancer around Thanks Giving and started chemo and radiation. HE BEAT CANCER! YEA. But then he was diagnosed with emphysema and pulmonary fibrosis. Probaby had the emphysema for awhile thanks to a lifetime of smoking but the fibrosis seemed new. Possibly triggered by the radiation but they don't really know what causes that. There is no cure for fibrosis and no real treatment. Not long after the diagnosis he was on oxygen, and was doing ok at home. Then he took his brand new retirement toy, a nice loaded pick up truck he just got, picked up his brother John and went to Illinois to photograph the Big Boy steam engine. One of his favorite things to do, chasing steam trains. While there, panning to video this monster, he must have stepped into a hole and fell down hard. Broke his leg bone just under the hip, and somehow managed to drive all the way back to Michigan on this. OMG. He actually fractured that bone and had to have hip replacement surgery. But anesthesia on such diseased lungs left many side effects. First they found a small clot from all the bleeding from driving on a broken leg, small so just gave him blood thinners to prevent more, Then some mystery infection, they finally tracked it down to an easy to treat bacteria and started the proper antibiotics. Fluid in the lungs after anesthesia is common so they put him on a diuretic to get the fluid out and we were told they were optomistic. He was in the ICU for over a week while they balanced all the medications. The plan was that he could recover from all this, go to a regular room, then onto physical therapy, then home. But... On Sept 23rd, 2024, My daughter Charlie and I showed up for our daily visit, he was in good spirits, smiling, got big dimples when Charlie gave him one of her butterscotch cookies. But... he was on 100% forced oxygen and still panting like he just ran a marathan. The staff called us in for a meeting and explained nothing they do is working. The fibrosis has advanced too far, we can either keep doing what we are doing, keep him alert as long as possible, or put him and us in a private room and start "pain management." But Jim had to decide. We came back into his room and explained the situation. His face fell, he got teary, then trying to get up to use the bathroom which he really couldn't do, the nurse gave him a cup but he just couldn't go. At that point he got agitated, just said that's IT, pulled off his oxygen and immediately his blood oxygen started plummeting. Jim at this point knew it was his time and basically pulled his own plug. Charlie and I were both at his side, telling him we love him, she played steam train recordings for him to hear, and slowly his breathing decreased until he slipped away. I simply cannot stop sobbing. I miss him so much and probably will for the rest of my life. And I know Charlie does as well. Jim beat many deamons in his life, he was a great dad, husband and provider. This just isn't fair. He was suppose to have SOME retirement time at home after working his ass off all his life. Life just isn't fair sometimes. I know at least he isn't suffering anymore, the being out of breath must have been torture. He explained it's like trying to breath into a closed envelope. The doctor said that's actually a good description, but I will never stop missing him. OBITUARY FOR
(actual obit pending, probably be up soon. This post was written on Sept 26th.) Note, I will actually give a long talk at on Oct 1 at 2pm, as will our daughter Charlie. Really hope our closest friends can attend that one. |
I set up a new page, called Old News Just like it sounds, old stories I had on my main page here get moved. Too good to trash, but too old to keep on the front page. And when that page grows too long like most blogs tend to, I will add some navigation so you can find what interests you most and skip the rest. Site building update, clearly it's not. I cannot figure out web building tools by myself. This site is hand coded and it's outdated. So here it sits. Yes I have tons of polymer clay stuff here but sales have to be one on one. Few people go to the trouble. And right now my clay stuff is still on hold, got a room to use but before I could sell some old furniture covid hit and everything ground to a halt. |
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